Pet Peeves: Comparisons

Ezra Klein and Matthew Yglesias, who are pretty sharp as far as pundits go, asking the burning question on everyones' minds:

"Matt[Yglesias] wonders whether Obama is a new Jimmy Carter or a new Ronald Reagan. I think that's actually the wrong comparison to fear: The question is whether he's a new first term Bill Clinton."

I think an EVER BETTER question is whether Obama is an 8th term James Polk or a negative 3rd term Chester A Arthur! And does that make McCain a 21st century Rutherford B. Hayes or a 20,000 BC Millard Fillmore?

Now when do I get my TEN THOUSAND internet smarty pants dollars?

Why is there this need among even talented pundits to frame absolutely everything in terms of either 20th century events that happened as they were growing up, or even worse World War II( see: President Bush declaring that speaking to Iran is exactly the same as British PM Chamberlain giving the Sudetenland to Hitler!!!!???!?)

Is it remotely possible that someone or something can just be what it is and not just another shitty remake?

Unfortunately, Liberals Can Be Just As Retarded as Conservatives

It's so fucking disheartening to see someone with "Democratic values" make such a big deal about a nonissue. Like in the case of this review of Knocked Up:

"Knocked Up" is a movie that is about a woman who gets drunk and who gets an unwanted pregnancy as a result -- except that all mentions of abortion were completely cut from the film. All it does is create a right-wing fantasy world in which the Perfect Little Angel is supposed to straighten out the Village Bum and everyone is supposed to live happily ever after...

If you watch it, don't watch it as any kind of a realistic portrayal of what women go through in a world in which forced pregnancy is the law of the land. Instead, watch it as a reflection of what the right wing agenda is and what they want unwanted pregnancies to be about in this country.

Or, maybe watch it as a comedy about a woman who made a choice to have a baby out of wedlock.

First of all, I'm by no means pro-life. In fact, I'd say I'm the most pro-choice person you'll ever meet. Speaking for myself, personally, I'm like 100% pro-abortion, even. I've had two of them, and have worked hard to prevent the need for a third, but if I did get pregnant, I'd terminate the shit out of that pregnancy. So I hope that by defending this "right-wing fantasy flick" I won't be accused of oppressing women.

But you know what? If you are looking to a Hollywood comedy to get ideas on how you should live your life, then I hope you do get an abortion. Lots of abortions.

The thing about being pro-choice isn't that you think everyone in the world should get an abortion. Even when it makes total sense to you and everyone around you, the idea is that it's the woman's choice. That's why we call it pro-choice, not pro-bobo. Choice implies we don't get to impose our will on others, just as we wouldn't want others' wills imposed upon us.

The character in Knocked Up chose to have a baby. Nobody fucking forced her to do anything. Not the father, not her parents, not the law. She had no pressure from friends or coworkers -- even her boss was supportive.

And there was talk of abortion. I distinctly remember Jonah Hill strongly urging the father to convince her to get a "Schmaschmortion." I remember it because it was one of the funniest lines in the movie. And it made me laugh. Like a comedy should. It didn't make me think, "Abortion is ugly. Maybe I could have the baby." Because I'm not a fucking moron, easily swayed by what happens in movies. If I was, I'd still be searching Chinatown for a shop that sells Mogwai, or figuring out how to build a flux capacitor.

Is the film a realistic portrayal of what a woman goes through when faced with an unwanted pregnancy? Not for me. Not for a lot of women I know. Not for teen girls or many single career-minded young women. But it may ring true to some women. Women who never thought they'd be a parent, especially under such bizarre and difficult circumstances, think differently when faced with this decision. Who the fuck knows, or cares?

Fucking pick your battles, people. Laugh at the funny movie and then discuss reality with your daughters and nieces [and sons and nephews] and help prevent them from ever having to make this decision in the first place. Stop making liberals look just as fucking batshit crazy as some conservatives.

1st Anniversary Bullshit-Detection.com

Bullshit-Detection.com is one year old today. I think this grand milestone is a good time to talk about the future of this site. I created bullshit-detection.com as a response to all of the spinning and counter-spinning going on throughout the 2004 presidential elections. It seemed everyday there was a volley of shit from the Bush Administration, and a complacent media more than willing to amplify that same bullshit, for free.

Whether the message was "There are weapons of Mass Destruction in areas North, South, East and West of Baghdad" or "Freedom is on the March" or "Freedom is on the March" or "Freedom is on the March," Any message from the White House, even the most banal repetition of year old cliches, would receive an immediate "Ditto!" from the pampered lazy press. It made me mad as hell, as well as rather unlikely and unwilling to take it any more.

When the shit settled the Karl Rove & Co. managed to convince %50.73 percent of the nation into (re-)electing President George "I own a lumber company?" Bush. And while that travesty kept me fired up for about six months, soon thereafter my outrage trickled, and I stopped posting with any kind of regularity.

The main reason for the slowdown is as follows: It was getting tedious. We all have to suffer through another three years with Mr. Furley from Three Company running the free world. It seemed almost cruel to remind people on a daily basis that they're completely fucked. Especially considering that we are almost powerless to stop him. We all got outsmarted by the guy we thought was the biggest dope on the planet. What does that make us? The best solution I can offer y'all is not to vote for any politician who supported Bush's many blunders. That cuts out the entire Republican Congress and about 1/2 of the Democrats too. When the choice is between someone like Hillary Clinton who capitulates to Bush on things like the Iraq War and the Patriot Act and someone like Russ Feingold who doesn't, give your support to the person who stands for something, not the person "more likely to win." Because If you can't stand up for what's right, you aren't likely to win anything but an ass kissing contest.

Is there a future for this website? I'm glad you asked, because I'm going to answer( See how I did that? I learned from Donald Rumsfeld to ask myself the question I want to answer, it makes press conferences all the more efficient). Yes, there is. But I'm going to back off on the political "Gotcha!" game. If that's your thing look at atrios on the left or instapundit on the right for endless links to people who share the same opinions as those authors. What I plan to offer here is an occasional essay that cuts through the partisan spin and pundit-driven groupthink that has driven political coverage of late. Developing....

A Chronology of the Ass Blowing Bureaucracy of the DMV

I know. It's lame to complain about the DMV. We've all experienced the general lack of service, care, and imagination it suffers. But the past eight weeks for me has been a journey so wrought with pain, abuse, and suffocating red tape that it should be required reading for anyone considering becoming a licensed driver. Don't let The Coreys fool you: a License to Drive isn't the thrill ride it appears to be.

Let's start at the beginning.

Fall 2002. I leave the Mercury lounge in NYC on a cold rainy night and drive for about a block when I get pulled over. I had intended to fasten my seatbelt at the first red light, but before I could get that far I was stopped by a police officer and ticketed. Okay. My fault. It's bullshit, but it's my fault. Officer Crabgash asks for my registration and insurance, which I give him. But in the dark I handed him an old insurance card. He could have simply remarked "Ma'am you're insurance is expired." I would have winced at the "Ma'am" part, then quickly handed him the correct, NOT expired card that was also in my glove compartment. Instead he writes me an extra ticket for expired insurance. When I inform him he has made a mistake he replies, "Too late. Already wrote the ticket." When he did not burst into flames, I knew the Jedi Mind Trick was not altogether infallible. Fucking George Lucas!

Then he says I can mail in the ticket with a copy of proof of insurance and it will all go away. I drove away and did as the nice officer instructed and never heard from the NY DMV about the ticket again. Problem solved. Right?

Let's skip ahead.

Summer 2004: I get an amazing once-in-a-lifetime shot to tool around on tour with David Bowie and The Polyphonic Spree for ten days. Pretty fucking rad, right? I was excited. So excited, in fact, that as I am driving on the Upper West Side of Manhattan I forget to stop at one little old crosswalk-stop sign, right in front of Officer McParkedNearby. Shit!

He is all set to let me off with a warning, due to my "Oops! I have blonde hair, which makes me stupid..teehee!" routine, which by the way, usually works. But he calls in my license and informs me that I have a suspended license.

What???

So instead I get another ticket for driving without a license and am urged to clear this up with both New York and Connecticut (where my license was issued) ASAFP. So I spend the next few days trying to get a human being on the phone just to find out HOW to even go about paying a ticket I no longer have a copy of. After 20-odd hours of automated voice menus and busy signals I shitcan the entire thing, vow never to drive again and throw my phone at a hotel concierge (in front of Russell Crowe who watched admiringly. Sorry, dude).

This single decision will later cost me over a thousand dollars, eight weeks of my life, 300 hours on the telephone (200 of those on "Hold"), buckets of tears, the wrath of my parents, and the will to live.

Summer 2005: I move to Seattle, Washington, and attempt to get a new license. Here's my logic: none of the DMVs so far have even installed a fax machine; surely their records can't be connected between states. Maybe they won't find out my license is suspended in Connecticut, and I can put this whole mess behind me.

Get it? 'Cause that's the punchline.

After filling out forms and passing the eye test, my Seattle DMV employee looks suspiciously at a printed paper in front of her. She eyeballs me, surveys up and down and then avoids eye contact as she asks for the $20 fee required for me to take my written test. I hand over the cash and THE INSTANT it leaves my hand, she looks back at the paper as if she is a news anchor and someone just handed this to her on air. "This just in: it appears your license is suspended in CT and NY. We won't be able to give you the driver's test. Oh, and also I can't refund the money you JUST gave me, because you neglected to inform me that you had a suspended license."

Me: "I didn't know it was suspended."

Her: "Too bad. So sad. Your Dad." (I'm paraphrasing)

This time the Jedi Mind Trick did work. Only apparently I was willing her to be a cruel-ass fuckstain. Lucas!!

By this time, I am also negotiating the purchase of a new car to be picked up during an upcoming two-week trip to Texas. My parents are helping me pick it up, so now they are also involved. I love them, but sometimes dealing with the DMV is almost more fun. The point is, I have a very limited time in which to resolve the no-license having issue. So I spend another half day on the phone until finally someone at the Albany office of the New York DMV picks up the plastic ringing-thingy on his desk that has been disturbing his nap.

I tell him my predicament and he informs me that I can contest the first no insurance ticket, which will take 3 months to resolve. Or I can pay the fines and try to get the money back later. This will enable me to at least get a driver's license in the meantime. He also says there is no record of the second ticket, which I am relieved about, and set about paying off all the fines.

Ticket: $380
Misdemeanor charge: $500 (apparently no insurance is a criminal offense as well as traffic violation)
Fee to the State of Connecticut for reinstating my license: $125
Sucking the giant hairy dick of the Department of Motor Vehicles: Priceless.

So now all that's left is to send the receipts from New York to Connecticut, letting them know that my tickets are paid and I am ready to have a license again. New York sends a letter to this effect to my New York apartment. I am in Seattle. Luckily my former roommate opens my mail, so he was able to forward it to Connecticut for me.

I wait 5 days and begin the calls to the CT office to see if it has been cleared. I only have 2 weeks to get my Washington license before leaving to pick up my car in Texas. Each day, license is still not cleared and "people" at the CT DMV ask me to call back later. Finally, my former roommate calls me again and says I have received a letter from CT informing me that the paperwork I sent them was insufficient.

I receive a letter from New York stating my license is cleared of all restrictions and send THIS to Connecticut, sure that it will suffice. How wrong am I? Dead wrong. After another week of waiting for CT to process this, I finally get someone on the phone to tell me that this is also insufficient. What they need are actual receipts with ticket numbers on them.

Now I'm on a plane to Texas. I no longer have the choice of resolving this issue in Washington. I'll have to resolve while I'm in Texas, get a Texas license, then drive back to Washington and get a Washington license. Awesome.

So I'm back on the phone with the New York DMV trying to get the correct paperwork. For the first two days I am never able to get through to a human. I spend 15 minutes listening and maneuvering the automated phone system only to then be put through to a message that informs me: "We're sorry. There is no one to take your call at this time. Please call again later." Click.

WTF?!!!

Finally I call a DIFFERENT office and speak to something with DNA. Possibly ape DNA, but still, no longer dealing with an angry phone robot. He can't find the ticket numbers I am referring to. As it turns out, the SECOND insurance ticket (which we thought maybe didn't exist after all) DID actually exist, only under a different spelling of my name, So $340 later he promises to send over the paperwork so that I may then overnight it to Connecticut (who won't take a fax) for processing.

Two days later, paperwork still hasn't arrived, so I call again. This time I speak to the same person who remembers me. He's like the Jesus of the DMV. He promises to fax my paperwork immediately and I verify the fax number with him. Twice.

Five minutes later my cell phone starts ringing. When I answer, I hear the soothing tones of a fax machine on the other end of the line. Steve is attempting to fax my cell phone, not my fax. So I call back and ask to speak to him. A woman informs me that "Steve just left the office for the day."

Are you fucking kidding me?

But the woman can clearly see the fax not going through and sends the paperwork. Finally. I am on my way to victory with the reinforced knowledge of never sending a man to do a woman's job (i.e. "anything"). Sorry, Steve. Maybe you aren't really DMV Jesus after all.

I overnight the paperwork to Connecticut. I call back every single day. Each time they almost refuse to even check and see if my license is cleared, because, as they explain to me impatiently, "these things take 7 to 10 business days to process." Still, I ask them to go ahead and make my 45 minute cell phone call worth the $150 in roaming fees I'll be paying for it worth something and they check, and infuriatingly enough, they are correct.

Until Monday. I called first thing in the morning and got the same rigmarole about 7 to 10 business days. Then for shits and giggles I call back in the afternoon. It's done. My license has been cleared in all states! Thank you, imaginary DMV Jesus!!!

I rush to the Texas DMV with the proper paperwork which I have spent the past few days obtaining (due to my think-ahead-to-the-next-inevitable-uphill-battle strategy of trying to beat them at their own game). I wait in line for over an hour, in which time I am able to rummage through an empty desk, find a DMV handbook, take the practice test in the book twice, and make friends with a few of the other flourescently-lit victims in line.

Finally, I am about four people from the front of the line. One of the two clerks on duty stands up to announce "It is now 4:20. We will no longer be giving any written tests." Aside from the oddly (coincidental?) timing of DMV shutdowns and nationwide marijuana smoke breaks, this news is not hilarious at all. But I remain in line, determined to get one thing accomplished. I make it to the counter, fill in the necessary forms, take the eye test, get fingerprinted, pay the $24 fee, and get my receipt to come back for the written test.

TODAY: I arrive at the opening of the DMV. Apparently, I was a minute later than everyone else in the county as there is already a full parking lot and a 30-person line. I whip out my handy receipt, though, and am able to skip past those poor assholes directly to the testing booth for my 15-minute unsupervised test which could have EASILY been done on the previous day. Whatever, I'm in and out and back at the front of the line, where I am told that in the past 15 minutes, all available driving test slots have been filled. Officer WasteMyTime recommends I return tomorrow at 7am in order to stand in line some more in hopes of getting a spot tomorrow.

Assuming I pass the test, I should have a license by tomorrow, just in time for my trip back to Seattle the following day.

If I don't have a license tomorrow, expect Franky to post a link to these headlines: "Denton woman kills entire population of Texas in biggest case of non-vehicular road rage ever seen."
"New levels of Hell created for entire Department of Motor Vehicles."
"Hell rejects DMV employees; AFRAID."
"DMV ascends to heaven and pisses off angels"
"New Holy War begun, in which angels and devils fight together against bureaucrats."

Also: "EXTRA! No asshole stinky or dirty enough for the DMV's mother!"

As I wait in line tomorrow, pointlessly, I will pretend I am instead waiting in line for something good, like the premiere of a new Star Wars movie. But like one made by the good 1970's Lucas, not the craptacular shitfest-producing current Lucas that is trying to ruin my childhood with his special effects machines.

Fucking. George. Lucas.

Matthew 5:5 - Fuck the meek.

House Republican campaign chief Reynolds touts chance to market conservative social-policy solutions; Rep. Baker of Baton Rouge is overheard telling lobbyists: "We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did."

From the Wall St. Journal wire

I Think I'm Smarter Than the USDA

"USDA Fails To Figure Out Why Tiger Attacked Illusionist Roy Horn"

It was a FUCKING TIGER! Case closed.

The Iraqi Soldier Is The Superior Athlete

I saw another one of those darned magnets, made in Taiwan, that say "Support Dem troops" and it got me thinking, "you know what, I don't want to support the troops. They get more support than a pair of breasts in a Wonderbra." I realized that I've always rooted for the underdog in any situation and I'm not gonna stop that now. The troops are by no means the underdog so they don't need my help. Their military budget seems to double every year so they're gonna do just fine. And the tyranny of public opinion isn't gonna sway me either. No magnet can change this mind of mine. I don't root for the Yankees, and I don't root for the yankees. I grew up on the Karate Kid, Star Wars, and Stephen Hawkings. I came to understand you gotta root for the little guy. I'm not gonna change that now.

Then I got to realizing that you have to realize The Troops are losing this war. Oh they're not losing, they have a $_00,000,000,000 budget so of course they're not gonna lose. If I was Jimmy The Greek I would have set the odds in their favor. But let's face it, the Iraqis have beat the spread. The Iraqis aren't winning the war, but they beat the spread. Anybody who put money on them would be rich right now. You don't have to beat Mike Tyson to win, you just have to stay in the ring for enough rounds. The fact that Iraq has a military budget of $0.25 and yet has still stayed in the game is the way to do it. They're like the US Hockey team in 1980. They're like Rocky in Rocky IV. The Iraqi are more American than America. We got Magic, Bird, Jordan AND Shaq and we're only winning 86-85?

And how come the Generals in charge of this war on the US side are still in charge? They're doing a shitty job. If they were the head coach of a large athletic sports team, they'd be fired by Steinbrenner a long time ago. All this talk of "be patient" and "next year is gonna be our year" and "come on, let's take a shower together" is not the way our military leaders ought to be talking. If I was a fan of US military might, I'd feel really scammed now. The Yankees sound like the Red Sox of the prior 86 years, metaphorically speaking. I hope the fans start speaking out. If you're gonna do this badly against Iraq, how are you gonna fair against China? Our Dream Team is getting trounced.

Autopsy Reveals Terri Schiavo Nearly as Brain Damaged as Senate Republican

I realize that I'm a little late on this, but last week Terri Sciavo's autopsy report was released. Long Story Short: Terri was completely fucked up.

Schiavo's brain weighed 615 grams, about half the normal weight, and she was incapable of seeing, the medical examiner's office found after her death March 31. The report found no evidence she had been abused, nor any indication why she collapsed in 1990.

"This damage was irreversible, and no amount of therapy or treatment would have regenerated the massive loss of neurons," said the report, released at a news conference by Pinellas-Pasco Medical Examiner Dr. Jon Thogmartin.

That sort of takes an elephant sized dump on Senator/Dr. Bill Frist's long distance diagnosis where he stated "I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office... She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli." It also smashes a baseball bat into the face of Peggy Noonan's belief that Terri would one day "wake up" and say "Is that you, mom?" and her persistently vegetative slander of Terri's husband Michael.

What I find most interesting is Mark Fuhrman's sudden involvement in this insanity. Next week Fuhrman is releasing Silent Witness : The Untold Story of Terri Schiavo's Death. Here are some choice quotes from Furhman's book, from a sneak preview provided exclusively to BullshitDetection.com.

Chapter 5:
"...From 1995 on Terri Schiavo showed basically no cognitive activity, much like east coast "gangster" rapper Flavor Flav. This fried chicken enthusiast had the audacity to challenge brave EMT and police in his 1989 hit '911 is a joke'...."

Chapter 7:
"There was a considerable amount of debate over whether Mrs. Schiavo was in a PVS. You know which greasy baboon is almost always in a PVS? Al Sharpton. In this case PVS meaning 'Purple Velour Sweatsuit..."

Chapter 19:
"Her brain waves were similar to the waves of a swimming pool in the Compton area of Los Angeles. People who live there are genetically predisposed to have inferior bone density, and are destined to sink like a rock if they don't wear swimmies.

Taking Down Torture Bullshit Point-By-Point

There is an awful lot of noise coming from pro-torture assholes on cable TV and on the internet. These people are trying their hardest to shift attention away from the abuses committed and onto the traitors like me who talk about them.

The newest line of shit is a call for Senator Dick Durbin to resign. First off, the only person who should be upset about Durbin is fellow Illinois Senator Barack Obama. Durbin is the Senate Minority Whip, and Barack, as a Senate Minority, can't be too comfortable sitting next to a guy with a fucked up job title like that.

But I digress. All criticism of Durbin is coming from the right. Right wing torture groupies think Durbin went too far with his condemnation of American torture techniques. Durbin read this (fucked up) FBI memo on the Senate floor:

On a couple of occasions, I entered interview rooms to find a detainee chained hand and foot in a fetal position to the floor, with no chair, food, or water. Most times they urinated or defecated on themselves, and had been left there for 18-24 hours or more. On one occasion, the air conditioning had been turned down so far and the temperature was so cold in the room, that the barefooted detainee was shaking with cold... On another occasion, the [air conditioner] had been turned off, making the temperature in the unventilated room well over 100 degrees. The detainee was almost unconscious on the floor, with a pile of hair next to him. He had apparently been literally pulling his hair out throughout the night. On another occasion, not only was the temperature unbearably hot, but extremely loud rap music was being played in the room, and had been since the day before, with the detainee chained hand and foot in the fetal position on the tile floor."

After which he made this statement:

If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to prisoners in their control, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulag, or some mad regime - Pol Pot or others - that had no concern for human beings.

Many douchebags are quoting him all out of context with ellipses all over the fucking place like this:

Durbin sez: "Americans .. [are] most certainly... Nazis. [I]n their Gulag.. [The Troops©] had no concern for human beings."

What the fuck ever. It should be noted that most of these assholes have absolutely no objection to torture, and make no effort to dispute the abuse charges. In fact Rush Limbaugh is now selling a t-shirt celebrating torture and apparently urging a coverup of any future crimes: "A MUST Have. Club G'itmo logo on front. "What Happens in G'itmo stays in G'itmo emblazoned on back." Available in Institutional Orange only in sizes: S, M, L, XL, XXL, and now in XXXL & XXXXL!" Extra Extra Extra Extra Large? At that size Rush should be paying you; you're a Goodyear blimp-sized billboard pimping RushLimbaugh.com. Republicans are outraged at the Senator for even talking about those charges. They have their panties all in a bunch about comparisons to Gulags. Many conservatives have resorted to rattling off the menu selection at Gitmo as a defense:

Rep. Duncan Hunter, the House Armed Services Committee chairman, "For Sunday they're going to be having Orange Glazed Chicken, Fresh Fruit Roupee, Steamed Peas and Mushrooms, Rice Pilaf - we treat them very well," he told Fox News Sunday.

A few points. If you are like me (and unlike many political pundits) you went to a public school, so you know what prison food tastes like. I'm willing to guess the "Orange Glaze" is made up of: High Fructose Corn Syrup, Preservatives, Yellow #6, and "artificial flavors," and probably tastes like a mule's ass. But even if Gitmo's "Orange Glazed Chicken" tastes better than Angelina Jolie's birth canal, it probably doesn't seem so delicious when shitting it all over oneself in a small steamy room.

What I'm trying to get at is that Durbin didn't do anything wrong here. He basically stated that this kind of behavior sounds rather unlike the troops we've all come to know and love. Chaining unarmed defenseless people down in a 110 degree room in a pool of feces and urine while blasting "2pacalypse now" at high volume does not sound much like being "all that you can be".

Then there's speculation in the press that the solution to all of these problems would be to close down and/or demolish the prison camp at Guantanamo Bay. Every god damn article I see is basically the press salivating over every word from the Bush Administration. "Bush May or May Not Shut Down Gitmo", "Bush Doesn't Rule Out or Rule In Torture Camp Closing", "Bush Doesn't Say He Isn't Going to Un-Shutdown Negative Zone Gitmo". Hate to bring reality down to y'all, but closing these places isn't going to do dick. Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib weren't possessed by poltergeists; they weren't built on top of a pet cemetery. There was nothing special about the floor at Abu Ghraib that facilitated the building a naked man pyramid. It's not like there was a Twister© game board painted there or anything. Right Nut Red, Left Ass Cheek Green.

All of these crimes were committed by servicemen, under the orders, and with the blessing of the Bush Administration and Army Superiors. Closing down the camps is a symbolic move that doesn't change a fucking thing, and has nothing to do with determining who's really accountable for this "Troops Gone Wild: Spring Break Edition" behavior.

Howard Dean is Mean to Republicans

Has everyone heard that Howard Dean doesn't like Republicans? It's absolutely scandalous. He's the head of the Democratic National Committee. It's his job to promote Democratic Candidates, funnel money to Democratic campaigns, and get Republicans fired from their offices. It sounds like we fucked up and picked the wrong guy. Why in the world would the Democrats want a chairman who fervently embraces Democratic principles over Republican ones?

Howard Dean has come under fire from Republicans when he said "lot of them have never made an honest living in their lives," and a few days later referred to the GOP as "pretty much a white, Christian party." Now why exactly Republicans would be inspired to bitch about the leader of the opposition party, I can only guess. I'd just like to assure you all that it's cool. We don't need your help on this one. We appreciate your concern, but everything is under control. I'm guessing that most Republicans would have a low opinion of Dean even if he were to personally bake them a plate of delicious chocolate chip cookies.

Now the media is trying to play the "Too hot for TV" angle. Trying to convince us that Howard is just too gosh darn wild to be a leader. He's a hothead, a loose cannon like Mel Gibson in lethal Weapon I, II, III, and the last 20 minutes of IV. Howard, I've got the mayor and city council riding my ass on this case, I wanna see your badge and gun on this desk.

Newsflash: Every one of us who supported Dean knew he was a lunatic. A lunatic who knows the names of all fifty states. When Howard screamed "we're going to South Carolina! And Oklahoma! And Arizona! And North Dakota! And New Mexico!" at roughly 400 decibels, we got that he's forceful. We understood that he wasn't just some boring cracker in a suit, like Al Gore or Terry McAuliffe.

Now as for the "honest living" comment I'm no great judge of that. Personally I think that the guy that cleans up cum stains at an X-rated movie booth is making a more honest living than the a marketing wizards who created Evanescence. Honesty is a relative concept, and Howard says he was referring to Republican leaders not ordinary citizens, so let's focus on Howards other outrageous claim. Are Republicans really "pretty much a white, Christian party?"

Yup.

[A] new book about America's political divisions notes that the 99 percent of all Republican legislators across the country and in Congress are white. The national Republican Party, whose base is in the South, the Plains and the Mountain states, looks to white men as its power base and source of leadership. Even when Republican states have significant minority populations, the elected Republican representatives rarely are drawn from those communities.

[...]Of 3,643 Republicans serving in the state legislatures, only 44 are minorities, or 1.2 percent. In the Congress, with 274 of the 535 elected senators and representatives Republican, only five are minorities - three Cuban Americans from Florida, a Mexican American from Texas and a Native American senator originally elected as a Democrat.

president Bush's home state leads the way. Texas, with a minority population of 47 percent, has 106 Republicans in the state legislature, but there are 0 blacks and 0 Hispanics among them,'

It should be noted that the one Native American republican referenced, Ben Nighthorse Campbell, is no longer a Senator. Furthermore, Cubans aren't real minorities. Cubans hate other latinos even more than white people do(Note to oversensitive assholes about to email me: don't). But I'll include them and the few other minority republicans elected in 2004 just to be fair. So according to the current figures from the 109th Congress.

Democrats:
(68 minorities / (211 representatives + 44 senators)) = %26.66 minority
Republicans:
(8 minorities / ( 222 representatives + 55 senators)) = % 2.88 minority

Whether or not 97.22% white qualifies as "pretty much" is up to you.