How I learned to start worrying and hate everyone

I'm sick of people who say "I don't like either candidate, I don't know who I'm going to vote for." These two motherfuckers don't share a single opinion. Besides the fact that they are both rich and both white, you have a very clear choice. A lot of people are saying oh "but [Candidate] doesn't have a strong enough position on [Pet Issue]." Then don't vote for him. Or vote for a third party candidate. Or write in "What's His Name From TV". Or kill yourself. Or move to Canada. Who gives a fuck? Your external internal dialogue is not cute anymore.

P.Diddy has a campaign called "Vote or Die". Mine is called "Vote or Don't Vote, But Make Up Your Fucking Mind and Shut Up." Unlike P.Diddy, I can't really threaten people with death. All I'm saying is even choosing to do nothing is a choice. After speaking to some horribly ill-informed voters last night, it became clear to me that even if it benefits the candidate I like, some of these motherfuckers should not be near a voting booth. I spoke to a girl who said "I'm voting for Kerry, but he sucks, I'd rather vote for That Guy From The Daily Show." She could neither explain why Kerry "sucks", nor did she know Jon Stewart's name. Honestly, if you feel so strongly about it, look it up on the internet, and write him in. Do I need to solve everyone's problems? Apparently. So, I'll be writing up an endorsement for my chosen candidate in a final push to decid-ify those motherfuckers. Stay Tuned!