Who Won The Civil War Anyway?
I hate the fact that we here in the North have to pander to the Yum Yums down South just to get ourselves voted into Da Government. Remember that Mason-Dixon Line? Yeah, well I do okay? Don't be creeping that thing any higher North than it is already.
I hate the fact that there's a Walmart in my old hometown. Walmart should not travel this far North. Just because the North gave y'all the concept of reading and writing doesn't mean it has to be a quid pro quo return of the favor. I miss the liberal, latte-drinking joys of Caldor and Jamesway. The Walmart-ification of my villa is sad. I believed we were better than that, that we were above it.
I like the South, I've even considered living there. But "South" isn't just a concept, it's a place on the map. Keep the "South" in the South, that's what I say. If the South is North than it ain't South, now is it? And I hate that John Kerry finishes all his sentences with "...y'all." I know that "y'all" is a word that helps to bridge the language gap between South-ese and North-ese but why, why are you making him pander like that? John Edwards was an awesome psychic on daytime TV but will be a good Vice President just because he's from the South? C'mon y'all!
And most of all I hate how war-like the South is. They love their fightin' down there.
You give 'em any excuse and they will attack your country. They can't wait to attack other countries. They love Country, but they hate countries.
I wish they succeeded when they seceded. This is OUR country and that's YOUR country. You go bomb whoever you want, we'll hang out with Canada popping cheap prescription drugs. Of all the wars the South had to go and lose, why did they have to lose the Civil War too? We demand a rematch!
I hate the fact that there's a Walmart in my old hometown. Walmart should not travel this far North. Just because the North gave y'all the concept of reading and writing doesn't mean it has to be a quid pro quo return of the favor. I miss the liberal, latte-drinking joys of Caldor and Jamesway. The Walmart-ification of my villa is sad. I believed we were better than that, that we were above it.
I like the South, I've even considered living there. But "South" isn't just a concept, it's a place on the map. Keep the "South" in the South, that's what I say. If the South is North than it ain't South, now is it? And I hate that John Kerry finishes all his sentences with "...y'all." I know that "y'all" is a word that helps to bridge the language gap between South-ese and North-ese but why, why are you making him pander like that? John Edwards was an awesome psychic on daytime TV but will be a good Vice President just because he's from the South? C'mon y'all!
And most of all I hate how war-like the South is. They love their fightin' down there.
You give 'em any excuse and they will attack your country. They can't wait to attack other countries. They love Country, but they hate countries.
I wish they succeeded when they seceded. This is OUR country and that's YOUR country. You go bomb whoever you want, we'll hang out with Canada popping cheap prescription drugs. Of all the wars the South had to go and lose, why did they have to lose the Civil War too? We demand a rematch!
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