Hey Christians: Have Fun in Heaven, and Don't Let This Mortal Coil Hit You In The Ass On Your Way Out.

You know how you're always going on about this alleged "judgement day" and how when the rapture comes, you'll all ascend into heaven, leaving the rest of us here to deal with an eternity without you?

Okay.

Seriously, I can't wait to see you go. If Heaven is your right, and this hellish barren wasteland is mine, then in the words of my ancestors, "Git offa my proppity!"

No, no - I heard you. I GOT IT. Fire, brimstone, eternal pain, et cetera. Whatever. I'm not on your side. Stop trying to convice me to come along. I'm staying.

Let's end this little contest and be done with it. I can't imagine a Hell worse than hanging out with you.