Racist pals call in some favors!

Here's a letter to president Bush from the President of Bob Jones University. If anyone is unfamiliar with Bob Jones University, it's a bible-thumping shithole full of hypocritical hyper-religious assholes that forbid their students from dating outside their race(doing so is grounds for expulsion). The University has publicly called the Pope the Anti-Christ. The Pope might be a confused old man in a ridiculous hat, and it may take him and several of his countrymen to properly screw in a lightbulb, but "Anti-Christ" is going a bit far.

The general gist of the letter is "You owe us, motherfucker!" And before anyone says "LOL! U CAN'T BLAME HIM 4 WHO WRITES HIM LETERRS!!!" Actually, I can. During the 2000 election Bush spoke in front of the University, fully aware of their racist rhetoric and policies. Normally I would go through a letter like this and translate it to non-bullshit where necessary. But remarkably, for all of Bob Jones' faults, he's really not a bullshitter. I'm gonna cut out some of the boring shit out because Bob Jones generally isn't funny, and I am. You can read the whole crazy thing here

In your re-election, God has graciously granted America—though she doesn't deserve it—a reprieve from the agenda of paganism. You have been given a mandate. We the people expect your voice to be like the clear and certain sound of a trumpet. Because you seek the Lord daily, we who know the Lord will follow that kind of voice eagerly.

Don't equivocate. Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ. Honor the Lord, and He will honor you.

...

It is easy to rejoice today, because Christ has allowed you to be His servant in this nation for another presidential term. Undoubtedly, you will have opportunity to appoint many conservative judges and exercise forceful leadership with the Congress in passing legislation that is defined by biblical norm regarding the family, sexuality, sanctity of life, religious freedom, freedom of speech, and limited government. You have four years—a brief time only—to leave an imprint for righteousness upon this nation that brings with it the blessings of Almighty God.

Have you vomited on your computer yet? Don't delude yourself into thinking there is a "moderate" wing to the Republican party. Crazy sons of bitches like this are holding all the cards right now, and they are already cashing in their chips. If you prefer a sexual metaphor, they let the president stick it in them for four years, and now it's time for a reach around!