Stupid is the New Smart

I grew up believing that being smart was superior to being stupid. I tried to pay attention in school. I learned about dinosaurs, and state capitals, and long division. It all seemed really important. When the black guy from G.I. Joe explained that it's a bad idea to ride your bike on live power lines, I carefully analyzed and processed that information. I was eager to find out about evolution and astronomy, I was happy to discover that the world is more than 6000 years old. I was the #1 fan of the scientific method of making a hypothesis, conducting a study, reviewing evidence, and making a conclusion.

I was wrong about everything.

Intelligence is a negative quality in America. To the average American, an "intellectual" is morally equivalent to a child molester. How else to explain the results of last month's election? George W. Bush showed us that the ability to speak clearly, in complete sentences is by no means a prerequisite to running this country. Asking for other people's opinions and examining evidence is now seen as a sign of weakness. I've seen the argument that "it's better to be strong and wrong" than to appear "indecisive" by thinking a lot and shit. John Kerry, was heavily criticized for using "big words" and labeled an "intellectual elitist". The worst thing you can be right now is an intellectual, or a world traveler, a university professor, activist judge or trial lawyer. On the other hand, "common folk", NASCAR enthusiasts, country music fans, SUV pilots, and Wal-Mart shoppers are the "heart and soul of America".

Every day I see a new story in the news about dumb motherfuckers being honored for their stupidity. Last week Time magazine named George W. Bush, "Person of the Year". When I saw that shit I was confused, it made me wonder if there were any other people this year. Bush's cabinet reshuffleing seems to have maximized the stupid quotient. Colin Powell was fired, Donald Rumsfeld was rehired, Condoleeza Rice got a promotion and a corner office. One stupid civil-rights-violating asshole, was replaced by another stupid torture-justifying asshole. A few weeks ago George Tenet, Gen. Tommy Franks and L. Paul Bremer were given the "Medal of Freedom" instead of the "Medal of Useless Dickheadery". Lying about WMDs, failing to secure a country, and running that country into the ground all qualify as Freedom increasing activities. Ahmed Chalabi was quoted as saying "Where's my fucking medal?"

And it's not just politics, Paris Hilton's new single "Your Cock Feels Soooo Big Inside Me" debuted at #1 on Billboard's Pop, R&B, Jazz, and Gospel charts last week. I can't explain it. I report, you decide.