If You are Going to Shoot Up Your School, Wait for a Slow News Cycle.
Has anyone else noticed that the American media has been spending so much energy covering Terri Schiavo's bedsores, that they've somehow missed an awesome school shooting? Yesterday a 16 year old Native American Neo Nazi went on a massive killing spree taking out 4 adults and 5 students before taking his own life.
Hold up! What the fuck is a Native American Neo Nazi? I wish I could tell you, but everyone is so focused on Terri that no one is really exploring the issue. Even Matt Drudge who usually eats this shit up, has replaced the story with a picture of Brad Pitt making out with Angelina Jolie.
After the Columbine shootings, the nation was so obsessed with violence in school, that they were expelling kids just for drawing pictures of guns, or making a gun shape with their hands. There were maps of the US with red "hot spots" where another Columbine was likely to break out. Now, 6 years later, we have a shooting of similarly tragic proportions, and its story comes on after the third commercial break, if at all.
Now don't get me wrong, I think the level of coverage is appropriate, from the perspective of a bullshit detective. I'm not going to ask what kind of music this kid listened to. I don't give a shit what violent video games he was playing(unless they happen to be available on my home system, the Playstation 2) . And most of all, I don't want to hear that some stick figures he drew in class should have been a warning sign. Everyone draws fucked up drawings in school, school is a boring ass place to be. Pen + Paper + Old windbag droning on about A Raisin in The Sun = Awesome Drawings. In fact I just totally drew a picture of me blowing up my high school today, and I graduated in 1996.
I'm just shocked that the national media isn't riding this a little harder. If you have a 24 hour news network, why have 22 of those hours be devoted to video of Terri Schiavo staring blankly at a balloon? I like to hear about school shootings. Sure, it's terrible for the victims. But as someone who took a lot of shit in High School, I always have hope that school shootings will have a positive effect as an asshole deterrent. I bet after Columbine, people in that school gave the Trenchcoat Mafia a little breathing room for a while. There's a silver lining on that dark cloud, and I'm nothing if not an optimist.
Unfortunately for the shooter, he picked a lousy week. If a tree whips out an 9mm semi-automatic, guns down nine people in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound?
Two tips for future school shooters looking to make the front page:
1. Wait until a week where the top story in the news is about Mariah Carey.
2. For god sakes, kill white people. Not Native Americans, real American Americans.
Hold up! What the fuck is a Native American Neo Nazi? I wish I could tell you, but everyone is so focused on Terri that no one is really exploring the issue. Even Matt Drudge who usually eats this shit up, has replaced the story with a picture of Brad Pitt making out with Angelina Jolie.
After the Columbine shootings, the nation was so obsessed with violence in school, that they were expelling kids just for drawing pictures of guns, or making a gun shape with their hands. There were maps of the US with red "hot spots" where another Columbine was likely to break out. Now, 6 years later, we have a shooting of similarly tragic proportions, and its story comes on after the third commercial break, if at all.
Now don't get me wrong, I think the level of coverage is appropriate, from the perspective of a bullshit detective. I'm not going to ask what kind of music this kid listened to. I don't give a shit what violent video games he was playing(unless they happen to be available on my home system, the Playstation 2) . And most of all, I don't want to hear that some stick figures he drew in class should have been a warning sign. Everyone draws fucked up drawings in school, school is a boring ass place to be. Pen + Paper + Old windbag droning on about A Raisin in The Sun = Awesome Drawings. In fact I just totally drew a picture of me blowing up my high school today, and I graduated in 1996.
I'm just shocked that the national media isn't riding this a little harder. If you have a 24 hour news network, why have 22 of those hours be devoted to video of Terri Schiavo staring blankly at a balloon? I like to hear about school shootings. Sure, it's terrible for the victims. But as someone who took a lot of shit in High School, I always have hope that school shootings will have a positive effect as an asshole deterrent. I bet after Columbine, people in that school gave the Trenchcoat Mafia a little breathing room for a while. There's a silver lining on that dark cloud, and I'm nothing if not an optimist.
Unfortunately for the shooter, he picked a lousy week. If a tree whips out an 9mm semi-automatic, guns down nine people in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound?
Two tips for future school shooters looking to make the front page:
1. Wait until a week where the top story in the news is about Mariah Carey.
2. For god sakes, kill white people. Not Native Americans, real American Americans.
3 Comments:
Watch out, motherfuckers - BSD is back!!
can we still blame Judas Priest?
Great posts. What was he thinking shooting up a reservation during wall-to-wall Terri coverage. Even Osama knew better than to release a new video in this news environment. Remember back in the days when school assassins were media savvy? I guess he waited through Ashley Smith and couldn't take it any more. :-)
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