ME TO HOLLYWOOD ANALYSTS: Boo-hoo! Go cry into your bag of drugs. Its in your luxury SUV. No, your OTHER luxury SUV.

I'm SO sick of articles about lackluster movie ticket sales, and hearing about how marketing geniuses are going to have to come up with more clever ways of selling us tickets and why why WHY aren't these movies making money?!!!

"Wahh! I spent 130 million dollars making the same piece of shit movie that has been released every summer for the past five years, and only 20 million people saw it in the first three days it was released!!! Why, me?!! I mean, Gladiator was such a success! Then Troy came out and did pretty well at the box office. Then Alexander... well, it got sort of a lukewarm reception, but still, it made, well, it made even less than my movie. I guess I should shut up and get started on Kingdom of Heaven II: Gettin' Heavenlier."

Hey, asshats! $20 million dollars isn't fucking chump change. You know how many people saw that movie? Doesn't that count for something? Isn't there something to be said for reaching people; validity for the film itself as art? Okay, it cost you a ton of money to make. But you probably made double your investment in endorsements, what with running 40 minutes of commercials even before the lights dimmed. And let's put this in perspective--opening weekend is only THREE DAYS of ticket sales. DOMESTIC. Calm down. You'll make your money back. Maybe you won't be able to afford to settle as many sexual harrassment lawsuits next year, but you'll survive.

And please don't think I'm singling out Kingdom of Heaven in any way - I didn't even see that movie (you're welcome). I'm really just pissed off at the IDEA that there are people who have hundreds of million dollars to sink into a single movie. And when movies don't perform to some hyper-elevated level of superbadassness, studios react first and foremost by taking fewer chances on original ideas; instead focusing on turning already well-made movies into newer, more-expensive totally unnecessary remakes. Or, they're adapting canceled television shows for the big screen. Guess what? Even when it came into our living rooms for free--when all a person had to do was get up off the beanbag furniture and turn that plastic dial to the right, maybe fiddle with the rabbit ears a little--America stopped watching Dukes of Hazzard years ago. Now you think putting Jessica Simpson and Johnny Knoxville in tight pants is gonna make us leave our homes and pay $10 to watch it at a theater?

Okay, yes. Fine. You had me at Willie Nelson.

My point is, why not take those hundreds of millions of dollars and make five or six, or ten movies with smaller budgets? Why not save the energy spent on brainstorming product placements and corporate tie-ins and sex scandals involving your actors/models/publicity whores, and use it to tell smarter, more compelling stories? Stories that don't require a healthy serving of roofies to make them relatable. I mean, seriously. No amount of eyeglasses and ponytails is going to convince me those fake tits belong to an anthropologist.

Don't try so hard to convince me what to see and what to buy. And whatever happens, don't expect me to sympathize when you manage to captivate the attentions of millions of people per day for two hours in a dark room.

"But I was hoping to draw in tens of millions!"

Boo hoo, fuckstain. Maybe once we stop throwing up chunks of Miss Congeniality II, we'll consider going to the movies again.

I Support the Shit Out of The Troops, And I Have the T-Shirt to Prove It

I recently came across some emails which detail a brilliant one step plan to show the troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan how much we care about them. Awesome! What do I need to do? Should I volunteer at a Veterans Hospital? Or maybe I should send a donation to a worthwhile cause like Disabled American Veterans? Then again I read that the Army and Marines have been having a lot of trouble meeting their recruitment goals. Maybe I should stop being such a big fat pussy typing shit on the internet, and enlist already. Oh man, I can't wait to hear this idea, let's have it!

Our idea of showing our solidarity and support for our troops is that starting Friday and continuing on each and every Friday, that we and every red blooded American who supports our young men and women, WEAR SOMETHING RED.

Word of mouth, press, TV, lets see if we can make the United States, on any given Friday, a sea of red much like a home football game at the University of Nebraska, Alabama or Georgia. If every one of our memberships share this with other acquaintances, fellow workers, drinking buddies, country club friends, I guarantee you that it will not be long before the USA will be covered in RED - much to the disdain of the un-American ralliers. Let's get the word out and lead by example; wear RED on Fridays.

Wear Red? Every single Friday? Shit, freedom really isn't free. Apparently, freedom costs $9.92 at walmart.com. Well, I sure as shit don't want to be an "un-American rallier", so here goes:


On it's face, this sounds like the stupidest fucking idea ever. It seems counter productive to our "mission of peace" to glorify the blood shed by our military. I thought the official position was that we aren't over there just to bust some heads. But kudos on finding a way to help the troops out without even needing to put down your Playstation controller. I'm sure that a 20 year old kid driving a Humvee on a mine laden desert road in 100 degree weather while his wife and 6 month old baby try to get by on his shitty near poverty wages will be really inspired by your show of patriotism.

Then again maybe I'm just a cynic. Even the people of Iraq seem to be fully embracing this call to "wear something red".

Wow Bullshit-detection.com is fucked up? What a surprise!

You may have noticed that bullshit-detection.com has been down for like 8 days. You may also have noticed that nobody really updated the site for a whole month. And now even if you can see the site, you are probably coming to realize that there are no goddamn images on the site, and it seems like some retro flashback to the lame ass "internet" found in school library computers circa 1991.

Basically bullshit-detection.com has seemingly been corrupted by the forces of bullshit.

Our old server is all kinds of fucked up at the moment, so I worked feverishly this weekend to get the domain name and content transferred to a new server. Most images should be back up in the next two days. New content will follow shortly. Thanks for your patience, bitches.

UPDATE: About %80 of the images are back. The rest will be back eventually. God forbid the day people are unable to acces gems like this: